Blessed By A Curse

Just prior to the 2016 elections I published an op-ed in the Albany Times Union that I had titled “The Death of Lady Liberty.” Some readers have seen it, but some subscribers may not have. The TU titled it “Democracy on the Precipice of destruction.” It portrayed in Edgar Allan Poe-like style, a vision of the Statue of Liberty on the verge of injecting herself with a lethal substance as the specter of a Trump presidency loomed. The grande dame of the harbor did this as a gesture of her free floating rage at the perceived failure of our system to create a world that fulfilled our, mostly unrealistic, desires. As she prepares to inject the poison, symbolic of electing Trump, I look on, helpless at the scene. I run toward Lady Liberty, yet cannot move. “Oh that I may awaken from this nightmare,” I concluded, “but I am awake and the nightmare is just beginning.” https://www.timesunion.com/tuplus-opinion/article/Commentary-Liberty-on-precipice-of-destruction-9978081.php

Readers may agree it has acquired more relevance in light of the fateful outcome of the 2024 elections. It’s yet another prophecy of the “dishonored prophet,” isn’t it?

Many of you, I suspect, are, like me, overwhelmed with disappointment and with grave fears for the nation and the world. My fears are not for myself but for my friends and loved ones who will have to live in this, perhaps doomed, world after I am gone. Readers know I have been cursed with ALS, a cruel and terminal disease. Since I published my “Pentimento” series, I have intentionally avoided using the blog to dwell excessively on the personal nightmare that confronts me as the disease rolls on at quickening pace. Soon I will have to cease writing as my fingers struggle to type.

I am entering the later phases when I will become unable to function without assistance. My breathing is failing and will continue to until it simply ceases.

In the face of this, it’s natural to feel cursed by God. Yes, I say “God,” because though I reject the traditional anthropomorphic concept of God, I do not discount the mysterious forces in the universe that believers attribute to an entity referred to as such. It is that force–fate, bad luck, whatever you may call it, that I am referring to.

I’m reminded of my grandmother’s adage “with troubles you need good luck.” Much as I would wish to live– were I to have my health– in light of my circumstances, I have come to view as a sort of good luck the fact that I will be spared the world all of you will soon have to endure. I see it as a backhanded blessing, the good luck Grandma alluded to. I have lived through America’s golden age and have experienced the most fulfilling and joyful life a person can hope for. There’s no good time to die, but, since go I must, maybe this is not a bad time to take my leave.

For the bounty of good fortune that blessed me most of my days I am grateful, grateful even to the entity that now curses me. I am sad but without bitterness.

To those of you who remain to make your way in this dystopian nightmare, all I have to offer are my hopes, my love and my wish that some good luck will temper the chaos to come–that is already here..

I’m not quite done yet. There are still some blogs roiling my mind that, paradoxically, is becoming more creative and sharp as the rest of my bodily functions fade away. Maybe that’s because my situation affords me a great deal of empty time to fill with information gathering, observation and pondering. Enjoy them with my thanks for your readership and the caring you have conveyed to me in your positive responses to what I have written. Your affirmation of the worthiness of my efforts, of the relevance of my existence, is helping to ease me on my way as I near my departure from this broken and heartbreaking world.