It Lives!

The self driving Tesla arrived at Elon Musk’s secret residence, tucked away in the Sierra Nevadas. En route, it had fatally struck 3 pedestrians and run a few tractor trailers off the road, minor inconveniences compared with the importance of the mission at hand. Emerging from the backseat along with the esteemed physician and surgeon, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., Musk entered his home away from home and opened the concealed door to the elevator by eyeball scan. The pair were conveyed 500 feet beneath the ranch house’s deceptively modest facade to the multi-billion dollar laboratory that had been hewn out of native rock. It had been custom designed for the most monumental and delicate surgical procedure ever known to man. The enormous cost of the project had presented no problem as the funds had been extracted from the combined annual budgets of the Centers for Disease Control, NIH and the Department of Health and Human Services .

The subjects, lying side-by-side on twin operating tables, had already been prepared for the procedure. Putin was sedated by an IV drip of Putinka vodka, his personal brand that had earned him a half billion dollars while massively contributing to the soaring alcohol related death rate of Russians, and Trump, sedated by a ketchup laced solution of Big Macs and fries, which had been contributing to cardiac deaths in the United States for many decades. But, as fate would have it, not to his.

Dr. Kennedy wasted no time implementing the incredible skills imparted to him during the time his brain had been infested by a parasite. There was no reason for him to scrub, gown or glove since he knew infectious disease was a myth promulgated by the corrupt so-called experts. These fools had already been relieved of their wasteful government jobs. Complex though the procedure was, it was made easier by the fact that the synchronization of the two brains required only the lower centers of the Trump brain to remain in place maintaining his autonomic functions. The higher centers of logic and reason had always lain dormant, and therefore, were of no more use to Trump in his state of sedation than they had been when he had been conscious.

Amid the cloud shrouded mountain tops towering over the lab, thunder rumbled and lightning flashed, its energy coursing through rods that carried it into the banks of lithium batteries that would store the power needed to activate the brains once they had been revised. With a skill that could be acquired only through rigorous study of QAnon and X information sources, the esteemed physician proceeded to combine the gray matters of the two leaders into two new cortexes that would simultaneously produce identical thoughts in the two subjects. After several grueling, painstaking hours of microsurgery, the brains were ready to be activated. The skulls were closed and the massive electrical jolt was released.

After a brief period of convulsing, the subjects rose as one from their respective tables. In a burst of maniacal laughter, Dr. Kennedy cried out “I’ve done it! I’ve done it! I have created the dual Donamir Putrump monsters!” He was removed to a padded cell and sedated, his usefulness now spent.

After the appropriate post-op recovery period, the twin Putrumps engaged in high-level talks that were, of course, unrecorded. They were whisked off to San Francisco from which Air Force One carried them to the nation’s capitol. There they appeared at a joint press conference in which they explained that Ukraine had lured unwary Russian troops into their territory where vicious Ukrainian troops had proceeded, for no reason, to attack them. All the while Musk, who had grown a little mustache under his nose, stood at attention, his right arm raised in a salute which he later explained was merely his way of waving to the adoring crowd, reported to be in the millions, who’d gathered to witness the revelation that explained Ukrainian aggression against a beleaguered and innocent Russia.

The Putrumps outlined the peace plan they had agreed upon independent of Ukrainian or E.U.representation. Their resolution to the Ukraine special operation was elegant in its simplicity. Zelensky would be imprisoned in a gulag and the territory formerly known as Ukraine would be divided up between Russia and the United States who would share in its rare mineral wealth. America’s share of those resources would pass free of charge to Musk who would use them to build charging stations and batteries for his vehicles and propellants for his space ships. Russia’s Putrump would sell Russia’s share to any nation that would use it for any purpose. The proceeds would pass directly into his secret bank accounts.. The citizens of the former Ukraine would be deported to the new American colonies of Gaza, Greenland, Panama, and Canada, where they would happily resume their inconsequential lives. The elegance of this plan was immediately recognized by those gathered and conveyed via the legitimate news sources that were permitted to cover the event. Barred from the event were the New York Times, Reuters, A.P and the rest of the “lame stream press” news services, who would have served only to confuse readers.

Thanks to Musk, the medical genius of Dr. Kennedy and those twin leaders, a new world order had been born. The rejoicing of the masses reverberated among all nations.