They say “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” And I’m here to tell you, if you haven’t gotten the message yet, that I’m really pissed. (Knock it off up there, Ms Moon. No, it is not “that time of month” for me.) Listen up, you Johnny-come-lately humans. Before you showed up, heck, even for a long time since, before you went and heated the planet up to the point of no return, things here were pretty copacetic. Once all that molton lava cooled down, all I had to put up with were a few ice ages and that asteroid that smashed into me and knocked off all those big beautiful dinosaurs. That was nothing compared to to the mass extinction you guys are causing. Without you humans and your technology to deal with, it only took me 30 million years to clean up that mess. Fortunately a lot of nice new creatures came out of it and most of them did pretty well. Until you guys evolved.
Sure, the different species competed with each other. That’s the way it works. Maybe things got a little nasty once in a while. But most everybody made out alright. All those cute creatures gone. I’ll miss them. But guess who I’m not going to miss? Not one bit. You’ve gone and done it. You’ve taken it so far now, you idiots, that even you are on the endangered list.
It all started when you threw me over for a male god. I had the planet all neat and tidy. Most humans worshiped —Moi. That creep comes along and cons Abraham into worshipping him. All downhill from there.
Men! Seriously? You want to worship a guy? The only thing they’re great at is making messes that we women have quietly gone about cleaning up. Well, this is one gal who’s had enough. I tried. I really did. You guys keep throwing your junk all over my floors, dumping your garbage into my air and oceans. I can’t keep up any more. When you took on a dude for a god and knocked me out of the pantheon, you knocked all your women into second fiddle, too. Pushy, greedy, headstrong, vengeful guys took up with a god who’s a slob just like them. I hear he never puts the toilet seat down either.
You did his dirty work for him and now a lot of you think if you butter him up with prayers he’ll fix your mess. Right, like this macho god is going to do your housework for you the way I’ve always done? News flash! His work is done here. Now he’s off looking for some other unfortunate planet to screw up.
Too bad you guys don’t have that option. You’ll wallow in your own mess until it kills you. Toxic chemicals, polluted air, superbugs, bad water, floods, famine, war. That’s what you’re left with.
If you’d have just stuck to worshipping me, none of this would have happened. I’d have taken good care of you like a good mom should. But a mother’s work is never done and what thanks does she get? They just take us for granted until they need clean clothes or get hungry. Well, don’t come crying to me. The washer and dryer are busted and I’m not going anywhere near that hell hole of a kitchen.
I may just head for a goddess’s shelter and get group therapy for the trauma you’ve put me through. You can live on left over pizza and beer, for as long as that holds out, and sleep in the bed you made for yourself. As if you bothered to make it.
Me? I’ve had a good run. Every good thing comes to an end and, sorry folks, I’m one of them. Adios, humans. I’m so outta here.
An Author's Inner Mind 