Toads’ Tumble A Sign From Above

I’m not much interested in college sports, but the headline regarding the Georgia Bulldogs’ 65 to 7 drubbing of the TCU Horned Toads in a recent bowl game caught my eye. Note the “C” in TCU. That makes it one of many so-called institutions of higher learning dedicated to continuing the indoctrination of the already hopelessly over-indoctrinated.

Such colleges are run by evangelical ministers, the only people who have God’s cell phone number and regularly converse with Him. God, being a congenial fellow despite His Old Testament reputation for testiness, is, toward these religious leaders, most agreeable. When evangelicals pray and God answers, the Lord’s opinion is always the same as that of the supplicant. What better indication of the moral superiority of Christianity in general and of evangelical Christianity in particular?

When something bad happens in the world or to individuals who are on the evangelical deep doo-doo list, evangelical leaders get on the horn with the Almighty post-haste, then explain to us why it was God’s punishment on immoral heathens.

Likewise, He sends us natural disasters and diseases. These are meant to show His disappointment in said sinners. For some reason, we don’t get the message. That’s why the evangelicals need to spend millions of their acolytes’ hard earned tithings on billboards and TV commercials informing us we are all bound for hell if we don’t accept a dead Jewish dude as our Lord and savior, that Christianity is the only true religion and that we should all get with the program. If we insist on being naughty, the least we could do, say the holy ones, is to permit Christians to run the world and to flaunt the law whenever they decide they have to make a Constitutionally protected statement about the many things they frown upon.

Having read my novels, you know God is a huge football fan. When devout players make a great play it has nothing to do with their skills. God made it happen. Then, Tim Tebow-like, they take a knee and point up toward Him. Yes, that kind of knee is good, unlike a knee that indicates support for those of God’s children, who happen to be treated in a most un-Christian manner by White Christians.

Some may find it as confusing as I do that Tebow, who must have been loved by God for all his prayers and praises, bombed out after 3 years in the NFL.

God’s explanation of this? Suddenly the ministers are mute. Maybe the heavenly cell towers were down when they prayed for an answer, and again when the saintly Toads were trashed.

Since those TCU students spend more time praying than they do in class or studying, logic would dictate that the Horned Toads should have won. Why then would the Lord decide they should not only lose but be humiliated?

I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, but some people might detect a pattern when the only times we get an explanation from His earthly press corps is when bad stuff happens to people they don’t approve of.

Not to worry. Actually, the Jews had that phone number three thousand years before Jesus walked the Earth. After Job was set as an example of what happens to nudniks ( Yiddish for nuisances ) who call His emergency line for every little thing, they decided to think for themselves and leave God in peace so He could concentrate on the enormous task of running the universe.

This strange turn of events in the sports world, however, seemed to me to cry out for an answer.

I combed the Dead Sea Scrolls and found the number to the Jewish Bureau of The Department of Answers to Prayers and, over many days, prayed real hard while on hold listening to uplifting harp music. Finally, the angel on duty picked up. It had been so long since a Jew had called, the angel, explained, he had been filling in at the evangelical bureau where the phone rings off the hook day and night. The angel apologized for the wait and told me God regretted He was too busy figuring out which teams should win the NFL playoffs to speak with me personally, but, on condition of anonymity, he dished up this tasty tidbit:

God is getting really fed up with the evangelicals who don’t have a clue about the true reason he sent his kid here. He regrets the fact he didn’t appear Himself back then, but He was so involved in the games at the Coliseum, he figured Junior could do the job. The kid tried, but obviously the message got garbled.

The TCU loss was a sign, not that they will understand it, to those who claim to be the most righteous of us all while they endorse racism, discrimination against minorities, promulgate religious intolerance and antisemitism, promote anti-democratic government and vote for insane MAGA candidates.

If that doesn’t convince you they are playing right into Satan’s hands, my source opined, the fact their mascot is a creature that was one of the ten plagues on Egypt and wears devil horns should.

One can hope the Toads’ tumble may at least convince reasonable voters of all persuasions to defeat MAGA politicians at the voting booths the way Georgia trounced TCU.

Now you have it. The Toads croaked as a sign from above that they and their ilk will, sooner or later- the sooner the better, become but a wart on the backside of the nation.