I Believe!

*Author’s note: As I was preparing to post this blog, the news broke about Trump testing positive. I ask you to join me in my hopes and prayers for his full and speedy recovery that he may continue making a fool of himself in the debates.*

I hear you out there. You’re saying “What the….? This guy who spent countless hours writing obscure novels featuring God, obviously a closet atheist disguised as an agnostic, is now shouting ‘I BELIEVE!’?!!!

Yes. Times like these show us why people invented God. He exists to explain all the stuff people can’t comprehend or control. Plus, if some big dude is making it all happen by magic, maybe He can use the same magic to make it unhappen. Ergo prayers.

Never in my lifetime has Murphy’s law been more strictly enforced. It can’t be random. There has to be a supernatural explanation.

That’s why my late friend, Joseph D. Nehemiah, revealed to us Boss. For those who have not read the A. Lester Lord trilogy, ( shame on you) Boss is the big honcho at “Headquarters” (known to us as heaven) and creator of the “Casino” (known to us as the universe.) At a fateful concert, as lead guitarist in the Heavenly Band, Boss hit a huge note. That, the Big Bang, gave birth of the Casino. When intelligent life forms evolved on countless planets and developed spiritual awareness, he sent them gods. Lester was ours, but he couldn’t help us. Not only because we are in the Z level IQ category, the stupidest intelligent beings in the universe, but because, by order of Boss, gods are forbidden to answer prayers. The heavenly hosts exist to gamble. If gods intervened they would skew the odds of the Casino.

Lester corrected Boss’ mostly fake news Bible with his “True Word.” Still, some of it, particularly how Boss describes himself, is true. He’s a vengeful narcissist who demands total subservience, obedience and loyalty. He commands us not to kill, then commands us to smite his enemies ( He’d smite them himself, but apparently he wrangled a deferment.) If you tick him off, you’re toast. He owns the biggest “most beautiful” casino, makes bets with Luce (Satan) like, “See that guy Job? What a devout sucker he is. I’m going to lay a hurt on that loser so bad you’d think he’d forsake me, but it will just strengthen his faith. Wanna bet?”

It’s well documented he grabbed at least one young virgin by the p——–y, and knocked her up. Then he claimed he did it only for us, because his illegitimate kid hands out “get out of hell free cards.” (A great scam. Like father like son.) He’s definitely into fossil fuels (remember the burning bush?) Doesn’t give a hoot for the environment. Sent a huge flood to trash the entire planet. Of course, as with all his programs, he bungled the job. He anointed all the kings and queens and popes to do his dirty work. They were temporary appointees so there was no need to have them confirmed by vote.

He’s misogynistic. Tells us to stone adulteresses. (Adulterers? No problem.) He’s anti-gay and condones wars and slavery. (It’s all in the Bible, but do yourself a favor and read the A. Lester Lord books first. No offense to Boss, but they are much better.) On top of it all, it’s become obvious he has no regard for his own Ten Rules (except the ones that command everyone to kiss his butt.) He disregarded his own most important rule, the rule he swore to defend from all enemies without and within Headquarters, by intervening in human affairs for his own benefit. If you haven’t figured out which modern day human he resembles by now, you must have been off-planet a while.

News Flash! Contrary to what was known to me when “Guitars of the Gods” was written, the Cosmic Times just revealed that Trump is not only Luce’s operative for the extermination of our race, but also Boss’. Luce was totally undercut when Boss did a double-double cross and bet, through anonymous donors, on us to destroy the planet and ourselves. If we do, his winnings will give him an unprecedented zillion to the power of 100th term as leader of Headquarters. All Boss needs in order to win his bets is to keep Trump in for another four years.

A biblical plague. All the Trumpian tricks, crimes and failures that went unpunished. The death of RGB at the 11.999th hour. The last bastion of freedom and hope for mankind fast fading into chaos and irrelevance. All this can’t be accidental or exclusively of our own doing. Even given our Z level IQs, not even we are stupid enough to have let things come to such a pass. It couldn’t have happened without malicious divine intervention. Not a chance.

In the face of this, what choice have we but to believe?

So, besides voting, which may well make no difference, what should we do now? Pray? Don’t bother. Obviously the bad guys’ prayers are the only ones that get answered.