According to the NIH, up to 40 percent of naturally fertilized ova fail to implant in the uterus. They roll on through and down the drain.
Holy roller Republican legislators in Alabama, quoting scripture, declared all fertilized eggs are already children, whole humans “in the image of God”. Interesting. I never imagined God as a big blastomere, but, hey, nobody ever saw the Dude, so who knows?
Since God personally oversees each process of conception and birth, these savvy politicians have logically concluded God must be losing His mojo. The Big Guy is clearly falling down on the job, allowing almost half of his holy spawn to be flushed away monthly like dead goldfish.
Not to worry. The Alabama State Legislators are on it, making sure no egg goes unborn. Their new law banning destruction of frozen embryos not only aims to ensure all these “children” will come into the world, but it will ultimately discourage doctors and potential parents from freezing embryos in the first place.
You see, doctors and parents may not play God. This is the sole province of Alabama politicians. No longer do evangelical legislators just tell God what to say, claim He has spoken to them, and, lo and behold, always agrees with them. Now they are taking over His job entirely.
I am sure the Almighty welcomes this because His failure rate at insuring the survival of every fertilized egg, whom, He, Himself has painstakingly brought about (even to the point of young women being sexually abused and raped in order for these pre-ordained souls to be conceived) indicates He is no longer up to the job.
Could it be the Incumbent in the executive branch of the celestial government is too old to serve? According to Genesis, He’s been in charge for at least 5000 years. Probably has been a lot longer. Why, He’s almost as old as Joe Biden.
No longer content to assist in God’s work, now Republicans have cut out the middle man and taken over the God gig altogether.
All rise to sing their praise. Turn your prayer books to page 30 and sing along to the tune of the University of Alabama fight song:
“Alabama politicians, Drown ’em Tide. You got the good Lord beat, you’ve hit your stride.
Teach the girls and doctors to behave, send the Democrats to a watery grave.
And if a man starts to weaken that’s a shame. We’ve writ the Lord’s will in our crimson flame.
Fight on, fight on, fight on men. Fight for those babies we’re ordained to defend.
Keep those female vessels full to the brim, so every single fetus will post a win.
Roll on, roll on Crimson tide. Now even God is just along for the ride!”
Amen.
An Author's Inner Mind 